I am often conflicted when it comes to contributing video ephemera to a place that is housed by the internet.
A part of me always wants to show and tell,
another part of me wants to horde certain images to myself and my immediate family.
This conflict proves even stronger when the imagery includes a friend whom is no longer within reach.
Death is a sensitive matter and it is certainly something i spend a great deal of time thinking about…..though as time passes i try my best to think of it as something that is equal parts tragedy and beauty….or perhaps its neither, it could be nothing more than a blip, a false conclusion to what is merely a small segment within a never-ending fantasy. I’d like to think there is no closure in death, and that there is no physical reincarnation, that nothing ends and nothing begins, but rather this fantasy of the earthly realm simply folds in upon itself…the outsides become the insides, and soon enough it cycles back through to its original form and continues on in slight repetition …..an infinitely morphing and melting donut shaped mass of energy.
Nathan helped me understand different ways of seeing and different ways of being. He helped me to recognize the atmosphere and gracefully encouraged me to listen to it. When i was given this footage of him i was so struck by the way it captured him interacting with his space and harnessing the sky. There is a moment of tape distortion that happens as Nathan is seen acting out some sort of magnetism between his body and the sky. That is a heavy moment.
When i watch this footage i don’t find it haunting tho……… i find it to be a portrait of a true alliance with the sky.
NATHAN AND LEIF (AROUND ’95 OR ’96)
Filmed by David Leonard. Edited by BDG
Brian DeGraw was born in 1974. He lives and works in New York. Recent solo exhibitions include Le Confort Moderne, France (2008); BEHEAD THE GENRE, James Fuentes LLC, New York (2007). In 2008 his work was featured in The Whitney Biennial. He is also a member of Gang Gang Dance.